I need to say something: "I hate using the word, single."
It has, and still, brings all the other labels that come with that word. It's not even that...it's that this word is used as a definition of identity when it shouldn't be.
For me, when I was not married, or engaged, and this word was used to describe me, it hurt. I would think to myself that I am defined by so many more things. My relationship status did not define me. Yes, it resulted in specific impacts on my scheduling, etc...but it did not define me.
I hate using this word in my blogs. I cringe when I hear it in church referring to a group. I don't want to ask someone if they are. Please know that I use this in my blog as a contrast to describe the process of that part of my life changing and the overflowing impacts of that.
To those of you who have decided to define your identity by this word, we are different creatures, but I can respect that.
Though my engagement was only 4 1/2 months, I was still rattled by the amount of change that happened leading up to marriage.
As a single woman, I think I was a very healthy version of independent. I took care of my own car maintenance, finances, moved across the country, actively involved in overseas missions, traveled, purchased my own small kitchen appliances (didn't wait to get married to do so), and proactively found my identity and value as a single woman.
This was difficult at times (single times). I remember hours long conversations with my best girlfriends about world missions, and where did we fit in as single, confident, Christian women? What was our role in the church? How do we explain to our hopeful relatives that we're actually HAPPY single? How do we admit to each other that we simultaneously desire to be married?
I liked being single. The independence, freedom, opportunity, and open future did me well. So, what happens to an independent, saucy, and God-fearing single woman when she gets engaged? Answer: all kinds of things she didn't expect.
When we were engaged, we received a heep of quotes, advice, and warnings about marriage from those around us. Some of the highlights. Please comment and add your own...
"Marriage is like a loafer. You just know when it fits." Director at my work.
"The problem most people have in marriage is that they give 110% while dating. Then, they only give 10% after they are married. Both of you have to give 100% every day in marriage to make it work." My dad
"Spouse: the person that is there for you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you had remained single." - my former boss
After very serious prayer, and thought, and public opinion polls, I'm blogging again. First, you'll see some blogs I wrote about a year and a half ago when I was preparing to get married. Also, because I read all my old blogs (link on the right), and I thought "You know, I'm pretty funny, I should start writing again." ...and queue crush to my ego that will soon follow...
