Confessions of a Bride, Part II

First, I had one of my best friends ask, "I just need to know that you aren't simply giving up all your dreams just to get married." Her direct voice and loving candidness still ring in my ears.

She knows me well. We had spent hours over the previous years talking about my desire to live overseas or mentor younger women. She knew this new relationship would change things. What she didn't know was that I had been struggling with that same question myself for weeks.

I was afraid of being a pushover. Afraid of becoming one of "those girls" that give up everything for cooking and laundry. Not that those are without honor, but I was afraid, nonetheless.

I did not believe in the fairytale of marriage. Instead, I believed it must be one of the worst, scariest, most crippling situations to put yourself in. Especially because another person can so dramatically have an impact on so much of your life, including filing for divorce.

I was afraid I had been believing a lie. How could both single life and marriage life be good for me? Was I fooling myself while single, just to get by? Maybe marriage wouldn't be as fulfilling as my single life, regardless of who I married.

I am afraid of becoming boring, to my husband and to myself. I had so many adventures single: moving across the country, international missions, road trips, working in dorms, trips downtown, spontaneous travel, concerts, pranks, the list goes on...What if my husband didn't want to do these things? What if other, outside impacts made it more difficult for both of us to do these things? What if we never leave the house?

I was afraid of what others, who knew my dreams, would think or say. Or, that they would think badly of my fiance' for "keeping me from" those God-given dreams.


The truth is, my dreams were actually changing. My desires were changing. My old dreams still sounded like fun, but there were new, exciting ones forming.